food for thought

There was an old second hand book store in my home town of Newport. I was 20 years old and had just finished a biography of Jim Morrison. I’d scribbled down every influential book of Jims that was referenced in the biography and I entered the bookstore with high hopes. I stood inside the doorway staring down the various isles, scanning the piles of books that teetered on both sides of the walkway. Completely overwhelmed, but also deeply charmed with the feel of this mysterious space that had eluded me up until now. The well lite world outside seemed lame in comparison to the idea of disappearing inside forever. After letting me linger in the door for a few minutes, I heard “I know, every single book thats in here.. should we go for a walk?” From somewhere, barely visible behind the leaning towers of books that were piled on the floor and tabletops, a grey haired old woman emerged. She looked to be in her late 80s, wearing Lennon style reading glasses and radiating a warmth that made her stern wrinkled face look like a big beautiful smile. 

I showed her my list;  William Blake, William S. Burroughs, Carlos Castaneda, Allen Ginsberg, Aldous Huxley, James Joyce, Jack Kerouac and Friedrich Nietzsche to name a few. 

She found me nearly every title I wanted from each of the Authors and some extras from which I chose 9 books to take home. 

“great minds but lots of darkness, make sure you come back and let me know how you go with it all”   

Off I went, and over the next month or two I penetrated deep into a word I never knew existed. These books shaped my reality and the darkness was definitely noticeable. 

I went back and got more books, a few different titles of the same writers but also some new ones that weren’t inspired by Jim. My old friend at the bookstore helped lighten me up a little with her recommendations. 

I began to notice a power of the mind that I had been unaware of up until this experiment. My reality was literally being sculptured like a wet slab of clay spinning around on the pottery wheel. Using the ideas of these, some long dead, humans I would knead, punch, pinch and coil my mind into various shapes that all had a unique way of seeing the world. I was becoming what I was reading and it scared the hell out of me. 

Lucky for me, right before my freshly moulded mug was maxed out with the likes of ‘naked lunch’ and ‘beyond good and evil’ I had room for a Kerouac book titled ‘Dharma Bums’. This drew me out of my dark reading frenzy back into the light of the sun. It sent me off down the south coast of Australia, camping under the stars, hunting wilderness and adventure. The charismatic character named Japhy Ryder inspired a huge shift and city life began to lose its appeal in favour of solo time in nature. 

This all taught me a valuable lesson. To see my mind like my gut. “You are what you consume”. The things that “I” feed my mind shape “my” reality was the realisation at the time and It allowed me to find some discipline around what I exposed myself too, and when. 

“Im the master architect of this life, now what can I use to make my dream a reality”.