NATURE RECIPROCATES

I think I was one of the worlds neediest surfers. Almost daily I would take my needy ass down to the seaside and throw myself in, wash all my neediness away with a paddle and splash. As I got better at surfing my neediness grew and the ocean wasn’t always sufficient in filling me up , I needed it to perform for me, “good waves please, c’mon I need a few good waves to fill the void, give them to me”. If the good waves weren’t on offer I would suffer, or worse if the good waves were on offer, but I couldn’t catch them, then I would really suffer. I believed that my happiness in life was something the ocean gave me, so I was desperate to get in there and receive its blessings. This is not a bad program at all, its actually great as far as addictions go. The only problem is when the oceans flat, you get injured or life in general gets between you and this pilgrimage. 

I was not nice to be around when I wasn’t able to surf. Everything would fall apart. Mia used to look at me and say “mate, go for a surf, you’re a mess” and off Id go all dark and foul and a few hours later a new man would arrive home. 

Things have changed a little over the years, since finding an eyes closed practice of meditation, I now fill up from within rather than searching for it outside. Im much less needy of good waves or the ocean in general. I love the ocean, and surfing its waves, probably love it more than ever before and I jump at every opportunity to be in it. However now, rather than dragging my putrid stressed out nervous system and begging for help from my beloved ocean, I take my inner fulfilment, my inner stoke and offer that into its healing waters. I still have my needy days and the ocean takes care of me wherever im at, but I’ve noticed that since I’ve started arriving at her door offering bags of fulfilment, rather than washed up, empty handed and desperate for help, our relationship has improved, she has started giving back much more than I ever thought possible. Its a love affair that keeps getting stronger. Nature reciprocates. Love in, love out.